Synchronicities, Signs and the Awakening towards Change

This has been a week of revelations and amazing synchronicities.
I spent most of the time with my mom and my younger brother healing and resting from my surgery, which added an additional significance to the already filled-with-meaning procedure.

I haven’t seen my family in almost a year and by my own account I have changed like night and day since that last time.
I got the feeling that after their week-long stay they left with the same impression but I can’t be 100% sure anyways.

All I did this week was hang out at home and share with my family. No homework, no phone calls, no readings, nothing.
Little by little my place started to have a different energy, a different rhythm with my brother working on his video projects and my mom watching TV and calling my dad every couple of hours to check up on him (if she didn’t call, he’d call) and then going with me for a walk around the neighborhood by sunset.

I had more food in my fridge that what I’ve had in months with my family cooking simple but delicious food for all of us.

Still, because with me nothing is really what it looks like, the fact that I was resting didn’t mean that everything was completely calmed.

As a matter of fact my mind was spinning like crazy because I had my classes to take care of and my life to check upon the minute my family was headed back to Miami.

The thing is: I’m in a threshold.
I’m in a really intense and amazing moment of my life, and that means a lot of anxiety.
My way to deal with that anxiety right now is to go ‘inside’ and take out as many things I can but in a deliberate way: intentional words, intentional actions even intentional thoughts.
It may sound a little too calculated, in a way it is, but after a while it comes naturally…the only condition is that ‘it’ has to be proactive and positive.
It’s a heck of a hard work, especially when what you really want to do is to get out and run as hard and far as you can or scream to the top of your lungs instead of staying still and care for your thoughts…but I’m worth it.

My only problem this week was that I had no one to communicate my stuff with because by the time my family got along with my personal changes they had only one more day left in L.A; and my head was (is) still in a little bit of a haze while the anesthesia was (is) getting out of my body so I was no-good for a typical chat with friends or write anything in my blog or responding emails.

My solution was to ‘meditate in action’: take a thought and follow it through until it has nothing else to say. For example: what would be like if I got the job I want, take that feeling, experience it, follow those thoughts all the way through until there is nothing else to add or someone/something interrupts me.

I can be watching TV or walking down the street, the idea is to focus on a positive stream of thoughts that can change my vibrational stage.
The energy invested in that exercise focuses and drains my attention from anything else and then it’s easier to manage reality.

Another thing I do is read ‘how-to’ spiritual books or any book that I like in order to find tools to assist me in whatever I need.
I never start them in the first chapter or the first page of any chapter but wherever I open them up.

Like the way it have been happening the last couple of weeks, this week they all opened right in the same content: they all talked about ‘Understanding’ as a needed quality for “the journey”.
They said to pay attention to the color indigo; to be aware of anything related to the planet Saturn, the one that doesn’t give up and is fierce, patient, and exorcises the demons in its pursuit of its goals; and to think and be aware of anything with the motherly quality of God: nurturing, soft, helpful and protective.
They talked about looking for triads (groups of three), to try to surround myself with beech trees (“the mother of the woods”), to commit to a spiritual practice and be disciplined, to accept and allow the feeling of pressure and the feeling of apprehension and to follow through if I had the crazy urge to jump into the Abyss (figuratively speaking, ahem).
They all talked about taking things easy and be open for signals that would take me to my next step.
All I had to do was to keep my energy up, be open for signs and follow them.
And the most important thing they said was: not to give up, not now, not ever.

Wow!

I had three books saying exactly the same. Imagine!

I LOVED that synchronicity.
It was kind of fun and heavy at the same time, but the best part was around the corner. Like if those books were waiting for me to follow the basics first and then give me the real message.

All of the sudden way deep into my week I realize that I had my family over (which make us a triad) in my place which is decorated basically with furniture made from or that look like beech trees; both my brother and my mom (and my surgeon of course) were taking care of me (motherly, healing and caring attributes of God), I was thinking about my next move in life (jumping into the Abyss): why I decided to live in L.A, far from my family, what type of person I want to become and what is that I really want my life to look like (Saturn: be clear and focused, let yourself feel the pressure, never giving up) and I committed to think and act positive no matter what (disciplined spiritual practice).

I had all this ideas and meditations, all this affirmations and visualizations but at the end sometimes you think: why bother? Maybe they are just my imagination, maybe they are just words and tra-la-la spooky fads that take you nowhere and just make you waste your time.
Nevertheless, I kept working with them.

And then something incredible happened.

I was dragging myself to research about Indra, not knowing what angle to use or look for. I mean I had to do a podcast from all things about a figure I don’t feel that much of a connection while feeling in need for some guidance in my life, something strong and powerful that would put order to all that maybe-imaginary-bunch of signs that directed me this week towards ‘Understanding’, Growth and Change.
My Babalao got in touch with me so I had my Elegua fired up and working hard (so cool) and my Kabbalistic practices kept me happy and calmed, but I needed something strong also in my classes, something that could give me a response and a specific direction, that I could identify and work with and would sort of close the cycle and make it cohesive and whole.
After all it is Mythology and Depth Psychology.

And then ‘something’ told me to re-read this website I found about Indra. It has some of the names that Indra was known over the years and it occurred to me to check them out…

And there it was.

With the emergence of Buddhism, Indra was transformed to a minor god and most of his positive characteristics were transferred to other images.
One of those images is Vajrapani: The Energy in pursuit of the good, the embodiment of the ‘vija’ which is the energy that connects your heart-wishes with your every day reality.

Vajrapani is indigo blue; is the manifestation of the Buddha that confronts and destroys demons (negativity and pessimism). He looks angry but his anger is towards laziness and darkness. He’s all about compassion and he’s the representation of the power and fearlessness of the Awakened mind.

Vajrapani is about action, moving forward despite the inner questions. In fact he’s the one who confronts those doubts and peel them off to expose them for what they are: nothing.
Vajrapani is about seeing, accepting and working with the true essence of life: Change. He wants us to let go of what we take as reality because nothing is real, change is the only thing we can count on.

His insignia is the ‘vajra’, a thunderbolt made of diamond.
Add the energy of the thunderbolt with the strength of the diamond and you’ll get the fusion of an unshakable power incorporated in an immoveable object that can smash through illusion, ignorance and suffering.
The ‘vajra’ allows the energy of life to flow free and undisturbed, free from the obstacle of laziness which is the most heavy and dangerous of them all.

Now that’s an image I could work with!
I was looking for something I thought impossible and I ended up with exactly what I wanted: everything I read and heard and looked around during this week in one very ugly but charming and powerful figure.

And then I went to see my general doctor, the one that since I started seeing a few months ago who had changed my life in amazing ways, and while I was waiting for my acupuncturist (it is part of the visit) I saw this postcard-size picture that looked kind of odd in the middle of those walls adorned with big prints and oils of mountains and rivers, and a magazine article portraying my doctor as the one who opened paths for Understanding holistic and Natural health in California.
The picture was of a golden Buddhist-kind-of bell and below it the word:

Awakening.